Avoid, Dread, or Disengage During Sex? Girls, Let's Talk! Part 1
I feel so used!
I wish he'd leave me alone.
I can't wait until it is over.
I hate it!
I don't want him to see my body.
Do you come up with every excuse to say "No"? Headache? Too tired?
Do your sexual encounters feel obligatory?
If sex is supposed to be such an amazing thing, why do so many women dread it?
Could I ever find true pleasure in sex? YES!
Is it too late? NO!
Sex in the movies and on TV would have you believe that the act of a man thrusting and having an orgasm=female enjoyment. While I am sure this may be the case for some women, I am going to go out on a limb and say that most often, this is a lie. And this lie has led to dire consequences in the bedroom.
We live in an over sexualized culture, but there is such a lack of helpful truths.
Real sex is not like Hollywood shows. Time and time again, women who have such a sexual image disclose how miserable their sex life really is. Some people get lucky enough to figure it out on their own, but clearly this is not the case for many.
I am not an expert or trained counselor, just a mom who wants to encourage other moms. I want you to not only be more fulfilled and deeply connected with your spouse, but for your children to benefit from seeing a healthier and more stable relationship.
This topic is big and I want to give you information that will be impactful, not just bullet points without details so I will be covering this over a series of posts.
Let's start with our head. How do we think about sex? Do we view it as a chore? Disdain? Icky? Does it bring up shame? Hurt?
Our past experiences or views on sex may be affecting how we view sex in our marriage. It affects where we are today, but it does not determine our future. We need to go here and lay out our feelings and beliefs in order to unpack where we are.
The message since childhood/teen years that sex is dirty, naughty, and should be avoided can mess with how we view sex. This misguided message was meant to protect you from hurts and regrets, but can negatively affect how we view sex.
Others of you have regret. Sex was a means to gain love, but instead you were used and left. You believed the lie that if you gave him all, he would stay and love you. Yet, those men who freely gave sex to whoever was willing had no interest in a relationship, but for personal satisfaction. You were left feeling more broken, used, worthless, and lonely.
Girls, I realize so many of you have been abused physically and or emotionally. The thought or act of sex opens up a floodgate of images, memories, and feelings. There is guilt and shame. There are secrets you have told no one and that is affecting your relationships. Please seek professional help. Work through this. YOU ARE PRECIOUS and WORTHY OF HEALTHY LOVE. Don't stay stuck but move toward healing.
It is all so confusing. On one hand sex can be so damaging and hurtful, yet it is supposed to be so amazing. My friend, I want it to be amazing for you, too. Let's take this journey of discovering the truth, so you can have a healthy, fulfilling sex life within your marriage.
Step #1. I want you to change the script in your head.
Sex can be just as enjoyable and fulfilling for the woman as the man.
Sex is a beautiful gift.
I want you to change the script of the past and tell yourself these truths. I will be helping these truths become a reality in your life! Even though you may not believe me right now, I am asking you to start thinking of the possibility that sex can become desirable for YOU; you can have a fulfilling sex life.
Part 2 of this series is coming soon!